The ff.is one of RAYZ BEST QUOTES &JOKES
NEW N OLD
Choose the one you love
most in this post.
1--A girl can be 21 with 2
kids while another one
can be 18 with 3 abortions
but the society will judge the 21 year old
simply because her
decisions are visible.
2--Most men cheat with
their wedding ring on
their finger. And you think your boyfriend won’t
cheat coz YOU'RE his profile
picture??
3--We are living in a
generation where lovers
are free to touch each others
private parts but cannot
touch each others phone.
4--All I hear is “NO SEX
BEFORE MARRIAGE”. If
that was God’s plan then u would have receive
your penis or vagina on
your wedding day.
5--Dating a slim/ slender
guy is cool, the only
problem is when you are lying on his chest then
his ribs draw Adidas lines
on your face.
6--Love is when your
boyfriend catches you
naked with another man and says honey dress up
and we go home.
7--Some girls of today can’t
jog for five minutes,
but they expect a guy to
last in bed with them for 2 hours. Your level of
selfishness demands a one
week crusade.
8--Women with beauty and
no brains, its your
private part that suffers the most.
9--Whenever things start
going on well in your
life, the devil comes along
and gives u a girlfriend.
10—Teachers are my friend and I feel for Women
who are married to
Teachers, instead of finding
money in the pocket when
washing, they find
Chalk or list of noise makers.
11-- ON EARNING: Never
depend on single
income.Make investment to
create a second
chance. 12. ON SPENDING: If you
buy things you do not
need, soon you will have to
sell things
you need.
13. ON SAVINGS: Do not save what is left after
spending, but spend what
is left after saving.
14. ON TAKING RISK: Never
test the depth of a
river with both feet. 15. ON INVESTMENT: Do not
put all eggs in one
basket.
16. ON EXPECTATIONS:
Honesty is a very
expensive gift. Do not expect it from cheap
people.
17. IF YOU are depressed,
you are living in the
past. If you are anxious,
you are living in the future. If you are at peace,
you are living in the
present. Past is a waste
paper. Present is a
newspaper and future is a
question paper. 18. WHEN bad things
happen in your life you
have
three choices. You can
either let it define you, let
it destroy you or you can let it strengthen you.
19. EMPTY pockets teach
you a million things in
life but full pockets spoil
you in a million ways.
20. OUR EYES are in the front because it is more
important to look ahead
than to look back.
21. WE USED a pencil when
we were small but
now we use pens...do you know why? Because
mistakes in childhood can
be erased but not now.
22-Sometimes you look
back at girls you spent
money on rather than sending it to your mum and
you realize witchcraft is
real
23-You need at least 1
witness to prove a murder
case & a minimum of 2 witnesses to register a
marriage, It clarifies which
one is more
dangerous.
24-A woman with only a
beautiful face is only good for a night, but a
woman with a beautiful
heart is good for a lifetime.
Ladies mind the way
you handle and present
yourself out there because it speaks so much
about who you are. If
you treat yourself cheaply,
you will attract many
useless, fake and
irresponsible people (men) around you and if you
treat yourself with dignity,
you will attract a few
sensible and serious people
around you.
25-Treat every part of your towel nicely because
the part that will wipe your
buttocks today can be
the part that will wipe your
face tomorrow.
26-The way relationships dont last these days.
It's even safe to celebrate a
one week
anniversary.
27-Only a black man will
have unprotected sex with a girl he just met at
the Club,then get in his
car and put on a safety belt
like he didn't try to
kill himself a minute ago!
28-An expensive weave can never reduce the
effect of cheap brains....
29-MARY was a virgin and
she married a
carpenter (JOSEPH). YOU are
not a virgin and you are waiting for a billionaire
to marry you.
30-Some girls are funny,
they will tell guy that
“It’s over between us
“When the guy says Okay, she will be like “Just Like mature wedding dresses second marriage
That?” What were you
expecting???? Closing
Ceremony??
31-Dear ladies, The silence
you keep when you find money in your
husband's pockets during
laundry,kindly do the same
when you find
condoms.
32-The festive season is upon us, accidents take
seconds to happen but
suffering lasts a life time.
Helmets and Condoms
should be worn on
appropriate heads during the respective rides,
especially on vehicles that
don't belong to you.
33-Church sisters be
refusing Church brothers
saying "No you are my brother" For your own
info: Even your mother and
father are brother and
sister in Christ.
34-Someone who unplugs
your phone charging at 3% to plug his at 97% is
capable of killing you
35-Some Girls will be like: "I
cannot cook, my
mom didn't teach me” Well,
my sister tell me who taught you dog style??
36-Remind your man that
when he's busy looking
for a new woman, you are
also new to another
man.. 37-When nails grow old,
we cut nails not fingers.
Similarly when
misunderstanding grows
up, cut
your ego not your relationship.
38-Every man wants to
marry a decent lady.
Question is who will marry
the ones you spoil?
39-Don't focus on your wife's faults, they are the
ones that prevented her
from getting a better
husband.
40-Girls are so clever...they
can introduce 3 Boyfriends to each other at
the same time
without causing a
fight...She will be like ; My
love, meet my sweetheart
and my one and only boo...and you will see the 3
idiots smiling at each
other and say Hi boss
what’s good.
41-Men can be heartless;
they will use you, Use your body, Damage your
reputation then marry a
beautiful wife, Become
born again & Use you as a
testimony in church, That's
when you know the devil lives Among us.
42-Married people with
kids and careers find time
to have affairs. Don't let a
single person tell you
they're too busy for you.. 43-If a guy dumps or
breaks your heart, take his
phone and leave. Call his
Mother and tell Her he
is dead....you are actually
calling from the accident scene..... then
switch off that phone.You
cannot be crying alone. She
must also feel the
pain for not raising him
well. 44-A woman should NOT
feed a man!! The last
time it happened, we were
all sent out of the
Garden of Eden.
45-Help a girl when she is in trouble and she will
surely remember you
when she is in trouble
again!
46-Your body heals. Your
heart heals. The mind heals. Wounds heal. Your
soul heals. Your
happiness is always going
to come back. Bad
times don't last.
47-A woman that loves you will stick with you no
matter how much a player
you are. And that
"woman" is your mother.
48-Ladies now feel shy to
breast feed babies but feel no rumors to display
their breast outside in
the name of fashion just to
attract men my sister
breast was designed to
feed hungry babies not for pageant parade
49-Apologize when you're
wrong. Be silent when
you're right. Ask if you're
not sure. Admit it when
you make a mistake. Forgive when you're
wronged. You'll have
wonderful marriage.
? ? ? ? ?